Scrupulosity OCD

“What if I’m a bad person?”

The thought hung in her head until she felt sick. She felt an insatiable urge to find the answer to this question. Her mind wondered until it was spinning. “Well I do generally see the good in people,” she thought, “but also I felt hateful towards the person that cut me off in traffic earlier.” Her mind continued, “I visit my grandma in the nursing home, but also I rarely speak to my sister anymore.” She continued this pattern of thinking - weighing out the evidence for and against - attempting to answer this question as if it were a math problem. These thoughts continued over minutes, hours, and then days - leaving her distraught, and more confused than ever.

She felt so worried that others would come to the conclusion that she was, indeed, a bad person. She decided to take matters into her own hands. She asked her friends and family outright - “Do you think I’m a good person?” But the more they told her - “Yes of course you are” - the more doubtful she felt. She began reading her Bible every day to show herself that she is truly "committed" to being the best person she can be. She began apologizing constantly in order to “make sure” that she didn’t hurt people’s feelings. She prayed the same prayers over and over, making sure to do it “right.” She confessed to her partner when she had inappropriate thoughts.

These worries then spiraled into other fears in a similar vein. “What if God gets mad at me and I go to hell?” “What if that comment I just said made that person depressed?” “What if I end up alone because God is punishing me?” “What if I meant to be dishonest intentionally, even though I think it was a mistake?”

And the cycle continued - the more she feared, the more she tried to seek relief. The more she tried to seek relief, the more she feared.

This is a look into the mind of a person that struggles with the scrupulosity subtype of OCD. Those with scrupulosity OCD experience intrusive thoughts centering around moral or religious themes. They may have an excessive concern with right and wrong, may fear offending a religious figure, and may fixate on achieving moral perfection. They may engage in compulsive behaviors such as reassurance seeking from others, compulsive praying, and much more.

Some individuals with scrupulosity OCD may worry that if they treat their OCD, their faith life will suffer, or their morally driven behaviors will decrease. However, usually the opposite is true. Through treatment, those with scrupulosity can get their life back on track, while also feeling more connected to their values than ever before.

For those that struggle with scrupulosity, there is hope! Through OCD treatment, those with scrupulosity can learn to understand how their brain is functioning, gain skills of how to respond to intrusive thoughts, and rewire their brain’s responses to triggers. Do not hesitate to reach out for help if you or someone you know is struggling with scrupulosity OCD - We are here to help.